Tuesday, June 22, 2010

2 posts in one day

I was so upset this morning, that my husband started to look into the whole clinical trial world. We found a lot of trials going on in our area. Not many dealing with PCOS, but with IVF in general.

What do you all think of it? Is is worth it?


This is the website: http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/home

I need some star.bucks!

The Dr. emailed me back this morning and they´re not enrolling anybody for any trial at this point. I can´t really beg anymore for that and ask if maybe in the future..I just can´t. I´m so...sad. It plainly sucks. Nothing is working on this crap!. I´m already overly stressed with my master´s and I just want to go back to Spain to get the FET out of the way.

I can´t even sit and watch Sesame street with Gordi now..I can´t stop cleaning and prepping for more family this weekend. I´m also tired of all them coming every weekend. I clean all the time now. I feel like their maid. I´m tired and I have no energy or strength to do anything...and Dh leaves tomorrow for 2 days for work...I need some star.bucks!!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Clinical Trial FOR ME!

I went to see the RE yesterday. It was almost like a WTF visit, even though I didn't do the cycle at his clinic. He was great, as always. He explained to me that I have the 2 most important factors going for me: Age and number/quality of eggs. Since I produced so many and 5 made it to day 5, he thinks we didn't get pregnant because of chance (40/60). But he's very hopeful for the FET in September. He even said that I should try another fresh cycle if the FEt doesn't work, because he thinks we are THAT close.
It definitely was a relief....after all the negativity from my RE in Spain.

E2 levels: He's guessing that since I had so many follies, a lot of them were immature, so my E2 levels didn't go as high as they should have. BUT, since my embryos made it to day 5, the quality is not compromised. So, no worries there.

Back to the title: FREE TRIAL! I (jokingly) asked him if they were doing any trials and that I would volunteer just so that I don't have to go back to Spain for 3 months to do another fresh cycle...and he said "well, actually, we are running a trial for women with PCOS. You are actually the perfect candidate". WHAAAAAT!!!!!
I know, I know. I AM FREAKING OUT! I don't want to get my hopes up though. He was going to meet with the colleague that will run the trial and mention me. I have to email him next week. He also said that they don't have any patients in line (I would be the 1st one) and that I am the perfect candidate. Also, that it would cost me as much as a plane ticket to Spain..about $1,000. WOW. I still can't believe it. We'll see what happens.
The trial consists on preventing women with PCOS from hyperstimulating. They retrieve the eggs a few days earlier than usual and then grow them in the lab a little longer than they would in a normal person. (Yes, I am not normal). Also, the do a very gentle a slow stimulation. It has a name..ivsomething. Not IVF, obviously,...Does anybody know about this procedure?? The nurse knew when I told her.

We also discussed dealing with PCOS without BCP, and he said no way. Maybe acupuncture, maybe met.formin...but the best would be BCP. I told him that Diane-35 made me sick and he said that I should try it again because it is the best one for PCOS, and that it's not sold in the US...really?? that makes me uncomfortable. If it's not sold, it's because it's dangerous, right? oh well.
I'm not taking anything now because of the FET in September or the Trial soon. I might have to postpone the FET if I get accepted in the trial.

AND, I just started my Masters degree!!! YEY!! I'm so excited. I really needed a break from all the TTC crap.

Now, on to finishing off my homework...

Thursday, June 10, 2010

I'm still here

I am sorry for not writing more often, but it has been really hard. I'm grateful for mi mind to stay sane though...I think I have evolved somehow instead of staying insane. First, it was impossible to even look at the blog and all of your updates...then, I started looking to one or two blogs' updates (just the titles), after that I started reading a few...I still can't comment...I have nothing to say, because it's all negativity and I don't want to be negative when the person on the other side is all excited and happy.
For now, I can read and surprisingly, write.
Not much had changed in the IVF front. Still infertile, still mad at the world for it, and with nothing to look forward to...well, almost nothing. DH (FINALLY) came to the conclusion that (wait for it....wait for it...) it would be great if gordi could have a sibling that was close in age to her...FINALLY! that's what I've been telling him for about a year or more. So, instead of forgetting about our 3 frozen embies, he concluded that we should do the FET in September when the clinics are open after their (2 month) summer vacation. So, now that he agrees with me, we can move on with it. After 8 years of marriage (August 16th), I understand how his mind works, and that I need patience because we are on the same boat and he will come around.
So, now that we are almost broke (NO $$), we need to plan a vacation to Spain in September so Dh can come with gordi and me and use some of this time to spend at my dad's beach house. The whole IF sucks! we are wasting so much money! of course, if it worked...it wouldn't be a waste at all.
Anyways...I just found out that a RL friend has unexplained IF. She's very religious so I expected her to have 4 or 5 kids by now, but only has one, so I just confronted her (via FB, of course, not in person) and she explained. At least I'm not the only one..I'm sorry for her, but I feel that I have a RL buddy now. She's using a proge.sterone cream...never heard of that...I hope it works for her.
I just ordered saw palmetto and beta-sitosterol and a multivitamin. I stopped the BCP, because even though it was working miracles with my skin (acne) and hair, it was giving me the worst headaches (probably migranes) and I was so tired and moody...so I'm going natural now...we'll see how long I last.
We're heading to the pool or pump it up..either one...I'm waiting for gordi to make a decision. I'll writo more soon, because i have some other issues to bring up.
I promise I will write soon. And good luck to those starting new cycles!!!!