Monday, February 28, 2011

Things that break my heart...and put me in very ackward positions

I have been waiting for what happened today for a while now. I was watching gordi´s dance class (they let us observe the first monday of the month) and i was loving every minute of it. UNTIL...she said: "You know what?? My mommy is having a baby sister for me!"...WHAT!!. I wish I was. But I am not. Most likely I never will.

Of course, all the moms started to congratulate me and the teacher started saying something like "surprise, surprise.."...when I stopped them all with my very red face and a loud NO. I AM NOT PREGNANT.

It was awful. I wanted to cry so bad.

Then, the mom next to me started explaining how she must really want a sister to say that...REALLY...I HAD NO IDEA!. Gordi has never said anything about wanting a brother or sister. All her friends have younger siblings and she´s never mentioned it. She actually hates babies. It is a weird thing..she hates babies A LOT. This always helped me deal with our infertility, of course. I used to think: well, at least she won´t have to deal with a baby at home...One less issue to worry about.
Until today.

Besides this incident, we are all doing wonderful. My husband and I are getting along great. We are almost back to pre-IF times. I am getting used to the idea of just having one child. It gets easier and easier every day. I haven´t seen my therapist since before Christmas. Another accomplishment there. Don´t get me wrong, I cannot wait to start my meds and get this IVF round 2 started, but I am ok with my life now. It seems like a very long shot to actually get pregnant again.
-I´ve lost all the hormone weight (8 lbs total)
-My abs have returned and my belly has dissapeared.
-I have enough energy to work out almost daily
-Anxiety has left my pantry
-Boob Job scheduled for summer 2012, after we are done with all IVFs
-I will finish my masters degree by summer 2012
-I will get back to work by summer 2012. No more holding off until the kids get to Kindergarten.

All of those things are helping me get through rough days.

Also, I am having a tough time being the soccer mom I am supposed to be...I really cannot have a conversation about what´s for dinner and about potty training and about kids! I just don´t enjoy it. at all. I love to have playdates for my daughter. She gets to play with other kids, but I hate the mommy conversations. I don´t consider myself an intelectual at all, but I can´t wait to get back to work. I might just work at my daughter´s preschool making minimum waige so I can work and not feel bad about leaving gordi in school more than I have to. I can work part time....

All the random thoughts out of my head now. I just had to share. Thanks for reading!!