Monday, February 28, 2011

Things that break my heart...and put me in very ackward positions

I have been waiting for what happened today for a while now. I was watching gordi´s dance class (they let us observe the first monday of the month) and i was loving every minute of it. UNTIL...she said: "You know what?? My mommy is having a baby sister for me!"...WHAT!!. I wish I was. But I am not. Most likely I never will.

Of course, all the moms started to congratulate me and the teacher started saying something like "surprise, surprise.."...when I stopped them all with my very red face and a loud NO. I AM NOT PREGNANT.

It was awful. I wanted to cry so bad.

Then, the mom next to me started explaining how she must really want a sister to say that...REALLY...I HAD NO IDEA!. Gordi has never said anything about wanting a brother or sister. All her friends have younger siblings and she´s never mentioned it. She actually hates babies. It is a weird thing..she hates babies A LOT. This always helped me deal with our infertility, of course. I used to think: well, at least she won´t have to deal with a baby at home...One less issue to worry about.
Until today.

Besides this incident, we are all doing wonderful. My husband and I are getting along great. We are almost back to pre-IF times. I am getting used to the idea of just having one child. It gets easier and easier every day. I haven´t seen my therapist since before Christmas. Another accomplishment there. Don´t get me wrong, I cannot wait to start my meds and get this IVF round 2 started, but I am ok with my life now. It seems like a very long shot to actually get pregnant again.
-I´ve lost all the hormone weight (8 lbs total)
-My abs have returned and my belly has dissapeared.
-I have enough energy to work out almost daily
-Anxiety has left my pantry
-Boob Job scheduled for summer 2012, after we are done with all IVFs
-I will finish my masters degree by summer 2012
-I will get back to work by summer 2012. No more holding off until the kids get to Kindergarten.

All of those things are helping me get through rough days.

Also, I am having a tough time being the soccer mom I am supposed to be...I really cannot have a conversation about what´s for dinner and about potty training and about kids! I just don´t enjoy it. at all. I love to have playdates for my daughter. She gets to play with other kids, but I hate the mommy conversations. I don´t consider myself an intelectual at all, but I can´t wait to get back to work. I might just work at my daughter´s preschool making minimum waige so I can work and not feel bad about leaving gordi in school more than I have to. I can work part time....

All the random thoughts out of my head now. I just had to share. Thanks for reading!!

1 comment:

  1. Oh gosh, my son was the same way. NEVER talked about babies, paid them no attention and then told his preschool teachers that he was getting a sibling. I almost was right after a miscarriage (and he had no idea about the pregnancy/miscarriage!) and I burst into tears. So now we always ask him when he talks about siblings, "Do you really want one? You know you'd have to share your toys, right?" Perhaps not the best parenting moment, but it works. ;) Sounds like you have a good plan and lots to look forward to!