I'm still here

I am sorry for not writing more often, but it has been really hard. I'm grateful for mi mind to stay sane though...I think I have evolved somehow instead of staying insane. First, it was impossible to even look at the blog and all of your updates...then, I started looking to one or two blogs' updates (just the titles), after that I started reading a few...I still can't comment...I have nothing to say, because it's all negativity and I don't want to be negative when the person on the other side is all excited and happy.
For now, I can read and surprisingly, write.
Not much had changed in the IVF front. Still infertile, still mad at the world for it, and with nothing to look forward to...well, almost nothing. DH (FINALLY) came to the conclusion that (wait for it....wait for it...) it would be great if gordi could have a sibling that was close in age to her...FINALLY! that's what I've been telling him for about a year or more. So, instead of forgetting about our 3 frozen embies, he concluded that we should do the FET in September when the clinics are open after their (2 month) summer vacation. So, now that he agrees with me, we can move on with it. After 8 years of marriage (August 16th), I understand how his mind works, and that I need patience because we are on the same boat and he will come around.
So, now that we are almost broke (NO $$), we need to plan a vacation to Spain in September so Dh can come with gordi and me and use some of this time to spend at my dad's beach house. The whole IF sucks! we are wasting so much money! of course, if it worked...it wouldn't be a waste at all.
Anyways...I just found out that a RL friend has unexplained IF. She's very religious so I expected her to have 4 or 5 kids by now, but only has one, so I just confronted her (via FB, of course, not in person) and she explained. At least I'm not the only one..I'm sorry for her, but I feel that I have a RL buddy now. She's using a proge.sterone cream...never heard of that...I hope it works for her.
I just ordered saw palmetto and beta-sitosterol and a multivitamin. I stopped the BCP, because even though it was working miracles with my skin (acne) and hair, it was giving me the worst headaches (probably migranes) and I was so tired and moody...so I'm going natural now...we'll see how long I last.
We're heading to the pool or pump it up..either one...I'm waiting for gordi to make a decision. I'll writo more soon, because i have some other issues to bring up.
I promise I will write soon. And good luck to those starting new cycles!!!!
La LOCA