Wednesday, March 9, 2011

I am scared

I have an opportunity to possibly be a part of a clinical trial in NYC. They´ve sent me the letter accepting me if the physical and 1st u/s goes well. Which it should.

I should be happy, right? I am happy. I can´t stop thinking about this...
BUT I am doing so great right now. I love my hubby like never before. I love my daughter. I feel like I have by life back...another IVF cycle could make me loose it again. Could it?? Hopefully I have learned from the past cycle, and past experiences, and I can deal with all the dissapointments, stress, loneliness, anxiety, pain...can I?? Should I go ahead and move forward? Throw away another $4K?? In the scheme of things, $4K is not much. It could be $12 K...

I can´t let this opportunity pass...I will try it, then I know that I have another 2 tries in Spain..if I have the energy to try 3 more times. My IF road is coming to an end, regardless of the outcome. I am done with it. It feels really good to know that I am done. I am happy where I´m at. I don´t NEED another baby to be happy. I love my life and all the blessings that I have. I never thought I could to this place, this happy place. I am so proud of myself. Of course it still hurts...but I can handle it!

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