Thursday, March 31, 2011
Everything has gone to heck. Yes, or hell, whatever you find acceptable... Why do I feel like it´s always this way?? I make plans, and none of them work... Last thursday, after a very stressful day with a job interview at Fl.orida V.irtual Sc.hool, I finally got my period. It was day CD30. Yes, pretty regular, huh? And better yet, no acne to show for it. Really weird and exciting. I am a normal woman...kind of...no weight/hair/acne/irregular period issues anymore. Weird. I am happy about it...if only I could get my DH to start a healthy diet and some exercise...I wish I could magically get his numbers up.. So, I called the iv.f trial clinic to make my initial visit appointment. They told me they were full for 6 to 8 weeks. To call then. WTF?! What am I supposed to do now?? Last time I talked to them, there was plenty of room for me. That was 2 weeks ago! So, my guess is that the trial will never happen for me. I still call almost daily. I never speak to anybody.... Now, plan #2 is plan #1. Spain. I know its free. I know it´s really my only option at the moment...but I am scared to death of doing it again. If you refer back to my posts, I really went through hell and back. They treated me horribly, they offended me constantly...I felt like an animal. I don´t need to go through that again!! Because of money?? My mom was in the US last week. I cried to her and she listened. She´s amazing. She said that maybe I can ask my dad for the money as a loan. I can repay him when I get a job...should I? My dad is very complicated and proud. I don´t think he´ll lend me the money. What if he says he won´t...I´ll never speak to him again. DH said that we could do it on our own next year, by March. (Didn´t I say this last year???). Well, DH is 100% on board now. He really wants another baby, and a sister or brother for gordi. REALLY wants one. Finally. So I am back to square one. No options untill 1 full year. I still go back and forth..maybe I should just ask my dad....maybe I should get a job and make money, use my master´s degree, build up my resume and try again in 2 years...so hard...I am going to Mo.ffit in April to get the report my local clinic needs to make me an egg donor. Maybe that will work. I am going to keep trying a lot of different things and we´ll see what happens. I am exhausted. I want to get this over with. Sigh..