The craziness is starting

I can't really focus much right now, but I'll try to make sense of what I'm thinking/feeling..
I just talked to my mom. She had a very informal meeting (aren't they all in Spain..?) with the embriologist about my case. She gave him all the records and he read them ALL right there with her. He was very impressed with the detailed summaries of all my tests and all the pics. BUT, he was very...how should I say this...taken back by my husband's results. Since there were 0 moving, he's also assuming they were dead. He says that they can revive them somehow (i don't know the right terms), and if they couldn't, he could refer us to a great Urologist to get them out alive via surgery (my husband doesn't know that part). Anyways, we might be able to work with what we've got. He also agreed with my RE here in that the sperm problem worsens FAST. REALLY FAST. so we need to do this now.
Now, the real problem here (he thinks) is that there may be a genetic problem with his sperm. He wants us to do genetic testing right away. His reason is the m/c I had last year. The abortion wasn't natural. We had to perform a D&C because they couldn't find a heartbeat. He says that the fetus might have had...well, you know, something wrong with it.
I had a feeling that genetics might have been the cause, but my RE here said no. Who knows.
He says that we can't go through the IVF process to have a baby with some genetic disorderfar worse than down syndrome. (his words).
So I'm going to email my RE's nurse and ask for the test ASAP. We have to do it now because all the paperwork in Spain has to start soon in order for me to start my cycle when I get there on January 2nd.
My mom also asked about their protocol, and he didn't mention the pill. Only that they would force my body to ovulate and bla bla bla...My RE uses the pill for the first 10 days or something like that. He said that my PCOS was fine. Totally controllable. He said that they have a 30% rate of success, and that they're at the US level. I really hope so. I hope they don't over-stimulate me and I end up with a million cysts...
Also, I was reading up on PCOS last night and on webmd it says that it causes repeated miscarriages...is that normal? I can't even contemplate another one. It was too devastating.
And that's all. If anybody has any info for me, please HELP!

One last thing. This PCOS is driving me crazy! I'm breaking out like crazy and I'm greasy and loosing HAIR!. Yes. I read it's normal. Does anyone have an alternative way to aleviate these symptoms other that the BCP??

some news..

Well, we got some news. I found out that I've been ovulating at CD 28. For the first time, and because I wasn't getting my period on time, I decided to get an OPK this month. I started checking on CD 9. I wasn't getting a positive so I stopped testing. Yesterday (CD 28) I started getting cramps so I checked and I got a positive. I was sooo excited! For the first time in 2 years, I got a positive on the stupid stick!!. SO I called my husband and we've had some fun..
I checked last night and this morning and it was still positive.
We just got a copy of all of our results from the RE so that my mom (who's been here for 2 weeks) could take them to Spain and show the RE there. I looked at my husband's SA and it was really bad. Only 200.000 and none motile. Which most likely means that were dead.
I really don't know why I'm so excited about these positives, because it really is imposible for us to conceive but...I can't help it.
The RE here said that Dh's results have worsened so we should freeze them if we want more kids in the future. It's kind of depressing to know that this is it for us. I really hope it works in Spain.
We'll see what happens. We found out that we were pregnant right after thanksgiving with my daughter. Wouldn't it be incredible if it happen TWICE??!!
I'm going to stop dreaming now...or it'll hurt too much when I find out that I'm not pregnant and we have 10 people in my house celebrating thanksgiving...

Last visit before IVF

Today was our last visit with the RE here in the US. I had my doubts going in because I just feel like such a huge hipocondriac!! Thankfully, my mom is home for 2 weeks and came with me. The dr. spoke Spanish for her...he´s such a nice guy. I told him that I just wanted to be ready before I get to Spain. I don´t want to get there and have them tell me that I have a huge something and that all the planning is out the window...plus, I think I have Endo.
So we went in...my mom reminding me that it was ok to ask him a few questions...
And he was GREAT yet again.
He explained every single detail for us (2nd time for me) and said that protocols are different but that he was willing to work as a ¨satellite¨office and help out. He offered calling my dr. in Spain!
He said that I could just go for 4 days if I didn´t mind paying for the drugs here..How much are drugs only anyways? Anybody knows?
Not many people are following my blog yet...but I hope I can get some answers..
I asked about Endo and he said that I have PCOS. That after all the ¨very comfortable, easy, and wonderful¨test he did on me, that there's nothing that suggests Endo. I guess there's some scar tissue around my tubes, but he said that it wasn't endometriosis.
Something NEW: Varicoccele alone is not the reason why my husband's SA are so bad. The fact that he had undescented testicles did it. At least we know something new...

I feel better overall. I am ready for the cycle to start. I am SO ready to be pregnant again.
I just too dinner over to a friend that just had a baby...so hard...I've already forgotten what newborns look like! She was one of the 5 friends that had a baby in the last week. I still have...let's see...6 more to go in the next 3-4 months..ISn't that crazy! 2 of them in my family.
Oh well. I need to realize that I'm very blessed to have my gordi. At least I have one. and a good one.
Chao!

Dreams...

I've been dreaming all night that I was a few weeks pregnant and with a huge belly! That I was hanging out with my good friend and we were sharing pregnancy concerns (she's prego now) and all that..
I think it's because my trip tp Spain is getting closer and also because I'm going to see the RE today. Finally! It's taken me 1 month to see him. I have a few concerns about Endo. Could I have that? I do have lots of cramping all month long, some are sharp pains...And very irregular cycle ( i haven't ovulated and I'm at CD 21 - last month I had a 40 day cycle..)
What else should I tell him? My last HSG showed quite a bit of scar tissue on one of my ovaries/ tubes, but he never mentioned ENDO. Do they stay away from diagnosing it unless is very painful?
So now, besides my husband's terrible SA's, I have to add my horrible cycles.
I'm a bit scared that I have something bad. (Hypocondriac, anyone?). It's just strange that I haven't ovulated when I'm supposed to be in good shape now.

Change of subject:
how was halloween, people?!?!
My daughter was the cutest EVER. She was a bumble bee. We did all kinds of fun stuff. And she got lots of cnady. Our neighborhood was great. Many kids and many nice adults giving out candy. Gordi (my daughter) just wanted to hang out with all those kids and share her candy. Soooo adorable.