If the Red Hot Chili Peppers say it I can say it too..

CABRON!!
Dr. Moron has decided against starting right away. So we are back to square one. He wants it to work so that nobody can blame him if it doesn´t. I guess he owes my dad more than I thought.
This sucks. I should have know. All of us IFers should know to expect the worst outcome possible at all times. It´s always better to be pleasantly surprised.
Anyways. I cried already this morning and got all depressed with my husband on skype. I took a nap and my friends came over. That cheered me up and I´m back to normal (almost).
It´s so nice to have your childhood friends and ALL your family walking distance. I really missed it living in the US for so long. Almost 9 years now (that I left Spain to live in the US)..
That´s all.

Change of Plans!!

We´ve got some good news!
I have to admit that I didn´t want to blog about it until I had some kind of confirmation...
We spoke to the embriologyst (my mom´s friend) and asked him if there was any way for me to fly back home while I had to take the BCP and come back before I finished it, and he asked us why...why?? well, ¨my daughter doesn´t want to be away from her husband that long¨...obvious, right?? well, not for everybody.
Well, he´s such a nice guy that he started asking around the other OBs in the department and they all agree that they don´t really need any b/w or BCP cycle since they know that I have a good ovarian reserve because I´ve gotten pregnant twice already...soooooo....drums.....I can start IVF#1 in less than a week when I get my period!!
In a way I´m very excited because all this means that I can see my husband in 10 days or so, that I can finally start in a week!!
On the other side, I´m a little worried about OHSS, and also using a PCOS egg that turns out into another m/c (like last time)...any ideas?? would any of you be worried about this too??

My mom just said something about them doing b/w on day 2 or 3 anyways and start the agonist face right after that. I guess the embriologyst told her that when I wasn´t there. We had a few drinks with him and his wife. At 3 pm. Can any of you believe that?? That would never happen in the US...drinks with your embriologyst that early in the afternoon. It is very common here though.
Now I´m all freaked out watching all the tutorials posted on stirrup queens on injections...and making lists on what I need to buy (pre natal vitamins) and stop taking (coffee and wine..) lol.. I don´t mind that at all!!
I´l l keep you all posted!

Coming to terms..

I´ve done a lot of thinking. I have to come to terms with what I want and what I can get.
What do I want? I want another baby.
Options: 1. IVF 2. Adoption
2 is out of the question for now. DH doesn´t feel like he can do it, or needs to do it because we already have one child.
1 we can consider. We cannot afford to do it at the rates the U.S is charging us. Our only option is here, in Spain.
What can I get? I can get my baby in Spain. I have to go through with this if I want it. I´ve been looking at the calendar.
I am so bored right now, that I´m going to break it down for my 2 or 3 readers:
AF will be here in approx.10 days. DH has to come here at around those days to get 3 Sperm ¨donations¨ in a row (one every 2 days). They can get my 1st b/w (CD 2).We´ll all leave in a plane together direct to Miami so we can meet my new niece and see my in-laws.
After that, I can get my CD 22 b/w and start the BCP in the U.S. I will travel back to Spain right before AF comes back. Then, I´ll have to be in Spain for 1 or 2 IVF cycles depending on what I need. It should be a minimum of 3 weeks to a max of 7 or 8.
Total time away from my husband: 3 weeks in January. 3-8 weeks in March/April.
My daughter will be in school 1 month in January and another to two in March/April.
I can do this. I will be bored and anxious, but I can do it because I can try for my baby...
I don´t even want to think about the "what if´s"...I just read Jo´s blog (MoJo Working) and it´s just heartbreaking...
Well, and that is it for now.

Wow. I made to Lost and Found! I guess I have to thank Elizabeth for that...
Well, nothing has changed so far. We have been visiting with LOTS of family and friends. Gordi has gotten way too many presents. She started preschool today. I was really nervous about it, but it went great. She didn´t even cry. When I picked her up her teacher said that she hit quite a bit - La mano muy larga, as we say here. Also, gordi asked her teacher if she spoke Spanish...lol. Too cute.
At least I don´t have to worry about that.
I hope we can talk to a doctor soon (like tomorrow).
I talked to DH and he said that there´s no way we can come up with $20K+. Nobody knows how many cycles I´m going to need...therefore how much money...
This is waaaay too frustrating.
I have 3 people having kids in the next couple of weeks, and my only hope to get through it was that I would be working on MY BABY. Here I am. Working on ¨how to not get bored while you wait for your F..period¨ FOR 3 MORE MONTHS! (the kids are my niece, nephew and best friend´s daughter)
How am I going to get through this??
How can I stay positive? I´m bored, away from my husband, my house...I don´t even have a plan anymore!
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Dr´s Visit - Update

So we are here! We made to Spain safe and sound. I´m quite sick with the worst cold I´ve ever had, but at least we made it.
I went to the Dr. with my dad yesterday. The visit was 1 hr and a half. He started filling out my history. Yes, I had to tell him how many times a week we have sex, in front of my dad...almost died on that one...so embarrasing. He sent me to another room to get an u/s and a physical. Yes, he confirmed my PCOS. He didn´t see any cysts but a very clear picture of PCOS.
THE PLAN OF ACTION:
1. This cycle (I´m on CD15 today) is a waste, so we´ll just wait for my period to come.
2. Bloodwork on days 2 and 22 of next cycle, which should start at the end of this month beggining of next because my cycles range between 28-41 days long.
3. BCP on the following cycle (MARCH)
4. Start IVF after BCP cycle.
BIGGEST BS ever!!
I knew this would happen...I´m supposed to be here until April-May...yeah right!
DH is scheduled to come in a couple of weeks (or 3) to give them Sperm to freeze one way or another (biopsy).
The Moron Dr (as I´m going to reffer to him from now on) is the typical Spaniard...old fashioned..very stuck in the past, and very hateful of US culture. He told me that he didn´t trust US tests because they (US ) destroyed Latino culture and values. Some of it is true, I can´t deny it, but that´s part of life, globalization, modernization!! come on!! What does medicine have to do with it!! and I´m pretty sure the US is ahead of us little Spain in all medical fields YOU MORON!!
I could have gotten my bloodwork done back home and taken the BCP at home too, and then I could have come here. MORON!.
THE MORON won´t induce my period now...so I can get going on, instead of waiting some 20+ days for my period to get here...

All this is just not going to happen. I refuse to stay away for my husband for 4 months to have another baby. It just doesn´t feel right.

I already have the daycare set up (another favor we had to ask because they were full), Gordi is finally adjusting to the time change/food change/crazy weather and family...just to have to leave again and come back in 2 months...to start over again..
The MORON kept saying that I should just be thankful that HE let me in so quickly when the waiting list for somebody like me is 2 years...and that I could go back home in between...like that´s so easy...to fly back and forth with a 2 yr old 16+ hrs each way....

After I talked to my mom, my dad and some friends, we came to the conclusion that it might be better if I leave soon, get the stupid bloodwork done in the US, as well as the BCP cycle and then come back. If Dr. MORON says it´s OK. We´ll see...

All this is extremely frustarting...extremely. I´m so tired of all of it. I´m going to look into paying the $20K by ourselves in the US. Is it crazy to let this oportunity to get it for free go away??
THIS BLOWS!!