Babies, babies everywhere...

What was I thinking?!

I've been staying at my in-laws house since last saturday. My brother in law and girlfriend just had a baby so I wanted to see her, and my brother in law and husband just adopted their first and came in yesterday from LA. It just seemed perfect because I'm leaving from Miami airport in a few days and now I'm 45 mins away. My husband is working like crazy this week so I wasn't going to see him much at all anyways, so it seemed like a good idea for me to come and see the new babies...

Well, it's been 5 days now and I just want to DIE!. They handed me the baby this morning so they could catch up on their sleep a few more hours...HARD. And the girlfriend has been with me every day now. TOO HARD.

I just want to cry sometimes...I'm so happy for them and to be able to help out (my MIL and FIL are not at the house till monday), but It's just cruel. All they talk about is baby stuff...

Listen to this: my MIL is insane and the last thing she said to me (yesterday) was: "You should just take a pregnancy test because I know you are pregnant right now". WTF WOMAN! ARE YOU INSANE?!

She knows, because I've told her a million times, that I'm taking the pill just now to get ready for IVF in a week. My husband has told her too. We changed ALL our plans because I JUST got my period early and I can start the pill and IVF soon.

I just get in these sad moods...like a cloud hovering around me. I can't enjoy anything around me...not even play with my daughter...who's just adorable! I can't believe how lucky I am to at least have her...

I can't wait for my husband to come here tomorrow and be next to me. He's the only one that fully understands me. I feel so vulnerable without him next to me. The lasts months have definitely brought us closer. Thank God.

I can't wait to be done.

I bought my ticket. I'll be gone from March 1st until April 14th. It should be enough.

I'll keep you all posted!

La loca

Update

For once in a looong time, AF came early, which means that I can get started and organize my trip to Spain in 15 days! Yipee!!

Dr. Moron said that they need me there between CD 15 and 17 and that they'll start things on CD 20. I guess they won't wait for my next period..interesting. I've never read of anybody starting their IVF cycle after 20 days on the BCP. Whatever. Maybe he meant other things, like tests...he talked to my dad, not me. So I'm not sure. All I know is that we're one step closer.

On monday I went to get my bloodwork done and I heard the nurse ask the Dr. if he was ready for the IUI (one lady had just gone in a room...)I was so excited for her and so sad for me...It is a huge step to go to the start of a cycle...then to retrieval (or IUI) and then transfer...buff..



That's all!!

P.S: I'm so excited for the latest good news from Christa and Clare! Congrats ladies!

Depression

I've always been against medication of any kind. I try not to take anything until I'm dying sick...but I think I'm depressed. This is dragging for way too long now.
I'm 100% that it's not going to work and very anxious of what I have ahead of me.
I can't even get on the bike in the mornings anymore...my daughter is getting to be so hard to convince now. Before she would be happy to come with me anywhere but now she always says NO...to everything I suggest we do. So I end up sitting and watching her play. I can't go and play with her like I used to.
I'm not here anymore...I feel like I'm not myself...Is this depression? Should I just go to the Doctor and get some meds for it?
We'll see.
Can my hormones have anything to do with this? I've been cheking and I haven't ovulated (again) this cycle. I feel cramping going on and other symptoms but there's nothing going on but my emotional rollercoaster.

Waiting...

I got back home (US, FL, Tampa) a couple of weeks ago. The 25th. I had my CD 4 day b/w the next day. I just got the results and they're all normal, which doesn't make sense because I'm a mess. I'm loosing TONS of hair and my acne is completely out of control...but whatever. I keep telling myself that the BCP will help and then we'll be doing our first IVF.
I don't think I mentioned before that I was coming back to the US. The airline wouldn't let me change my tickets for the usual price (about $200)..they wanted $600 each ticket so I told my dad and he told Dr. Moron. Surprisingly, Dr. Moron said that we could get my b/w done here no problem...NO PROBLEM?!?!?!!!. After 3 miserable weeks thinking that I had to be away from my husband for a few months!!? well, it all turned out ok. I'll be here until the end of the BCP cycle which should be the 3rd week of March.
Gordi (my 2.5 year old daughter) was having a really difficult time at the end. She just wanted to be home and missed her dad too much. She kept throwing the BIGGEST tantrums I ever seen...everywhere, all the time. I was miserable too. I'm happy to be home. Now we just wait.
I've been reading lots of blogs and feeling a little numb. I feel for other people and I get really happy when they finally have good news...but all those sad news are getting to me. What if I have another m/c? or IVF doesn't work? All my life is on hold until I know for sure whether I'm going to have another baby or not...this sucks...just in case none of you knew...
I'm trying to eat healthy and force it down my husband too..I really want to have some good little ones for the cycle soon. He's taking Fertil Aid (or saying he is...) and lowering Diet coke intake...he's an addict...what else can we do? He puts a pillow between the laptop and his legs now..too funny...no biking (which we love)...I don't know.

Thanks for your support. This is really hard sometimes...