Can´t trust myself anymore..

Today I was talking with a friend, and I realized how crazy I am.
This friend has 3 children of her own, and has been pregnant and delivered 5 times. She was a surrogate twice, for the same couple.
We were talking about the outrageous amounts of money that we IFers have to pay to go through hell during our IVF cycles. I feel like she understands more of it because she had to do 3 cycles with this couple, and shots and all that jazz.
She told me that they spent around $100,000. Her fees were $25,000 each time.
......
.....

So I started thinking...I could be a surrogate...I could make $25K and use it towards my own cycle...

Am I crazy or what?!?!.

Also, I read the trial info on LFCA and I went crazy...I looked for it, checked to see if they offered it in Florida (nope)...I remembered that a friend from college suffering from secondary infertility as well, lives in PA. So I emailed her the info. Then, I called the clinic here that has most trails for IVF and PCOS and nothing, no trials now or in the near future.
...
....
Then, I went on day dreaming about it...maybe I can move in with my friend for a month and do the trial with her...we could be IVF buddies...help each other w the kiddos....YEAH RIGHT!
....
Completely NUTS. I AM NUTS!!

AND this is a month before I do my FET. I have ZERO confidence that it´s going to work. Somehow I still feel that there´s a baby in the future for us, but not this time around. After this FET I still have another fresh round free in Spain (they give each patient 3 chances).

I feel that all this progesterone and hormones in general, are turning me into a psycho. Will I ever recover? will I ever stop this TTC crap?

I do not want to start progesterone again on sat. And I do not want to get that Lu.pron De.pot shot on the 20th...my daughter´s first day of school....