Sunday, October 17, 2010

I can´t..

I can´t say goodbye to my infertility or my longing for another child, only makes sense that I can´t say goodbye to my blog and all of your blogs to get me through the day. Since I am reading and writing on your blogs, I thought I could give it a try a start over with my own blog.

First off, I´m sorry that I left so abruptly. I was SO mad. So mad. I can´t even describe it. I was even mad at my husband...for not being there when I got the call, for never being with me when I go through IVF and all IVF related procedures.

What now? Well, I can´t stop obsessing over IVF. I´ve looked at a million clinical trials, called..nothing. The best deal I can find (well, not the best, the only one I can try to afford) is a local RE that gives 50% off if you donate some eggs. So, here I am. I have an appointment on tuesday to see if they still offer it. It would be $6,000 instead of $12,000. Not bad. $6K seems easier to get to. I just don´t know how to finance $´s SO much money.

Obviously, I could work and make money and pay for it, right? But my husband argues that I will neglect my daughter (maybe the only child I will ever have) so that I can throw money down the drain??? because it probably won´t work??? Neglect is too strong of a word, but I would have to leave her in school all day if I went back to work. I´ve found a tutoring job that pays around $30/hr, but Dh doesn´t want me to leave my daughter with a friend or in school for 6hrs a week. He makes me feel so guilty for wanting to make some cash!. I don´t know if I can, or should confront him and just do it. I could make $6k in 10 months for sure...the rest I could pay from our checking.

He´s done. I´m not. I believe that if we tried one or 2 more times I would get pregnant. I´ve already been pregnant!!! twice!! Our chances are great!. I can´t just let it go because of money...

Any thoughts? advice? shoot!


  1. I'm glad you are back! It is so hard to figure out what to do when you both are on opposite sides. The tutoring job sounds great at $30/hr. Is your husband willing or able to see why you want another baby and are you able to at least understand where he is coming from? There has to be a compromise in there somewhere...I'm praying that you can find it. Good Luck and welcome back!

  2. Hi Amy! Well, kind of...he doesn´t want to spend the $$ and wants me to relax and enjoy our daughter. I, on the other side, can´t relax. I´m afraid it´s one of those "we agree to disagree" kind of thing...Which means, that I have to move forward on my own and find solutions!! He might get a promotion soon...maybe that changes things...
    How are you?! Baby? Show some belly pics! I bet you´re just adorable with a little belly now. How are you feeling?

  3. Hey Loca glad you're back :-) I hope you can feel the love from blogland!

    I don't really have advice just sympathy. What's wrong with school for Gordi is all I have to say?

    Un fuerte abrazo mujer,

  4. She´s already in school, for only 3 hrs a day, 3 times a week. Working those 9 hrs would mean a big mess, or a friend watching her. My DH doesn´t want anybody watching her...and to tell u the truth, I´m pretty stuck, cause the friend wants to trade kids- I´ll watch hers while she tutors and she´ll watch mine when I tutor. If I tell her no, and take her to extended care, my friend can´t work...too messy! too complicated.
    Thanks gals!