Sunday, October 17, 2010

I can´t..

I can´t say goodbye to my infertility or my longing for another child, so...it only makes sense that I can´t say goodbye to my blog and all of your blogs to get me through the day. Since I am reading and writing on your blogs, I thought I could give it a try a start over with my own blog.

First off, I´m sorry that I left so abruptly. I was SO mad. So mad. I can´t even describe it. I was even mad at my husband...for not being there when I got the call, for never being with me when I go through IVF and all IVF related procedures.

What now? Well, I can´t stop obsessing over IVF. I´ve looked at a million clinical trials, called..nothing. The best deal I can find (well, not the best, the only one I can try to afford) is a local RE that gives 50% off if you donate some eggs. So, here I am. I have an appointment on tuesday to see if they still offer it. It would be $6,000 instead of $12,000. Not bad. $6K seems easier to get to. I just don´t know how to finance $20K...it´s SO much money.

Obviously, I could work and make money and pay for it, right? But my husband argues that I will neglect my daughter (maybe the only child I will ever have) so that I can throw money down the drain??? because it probably won´t work??? Neglect is too strong of a word, but I would have to leave her in school all day if I went back to work. I´ve found a tutoring job that pays around $30/hr, but Dh doesn´t want me to leave my daughter with a friend or in school for 6hrs a week. He makes me feel so guilty for wanting to make some cash!. I don´t know if I can, or should confront him and just do it. I could make $6k in 10 months for sure...the rest I could pay from our checking.

He´s done. I´m not. I believe that if we tried one or 2 more times I would get pregnant. I´ve already been pregnant!!! twice!! Our chances are great!. I can´t just let it go because of money...

Any thoughts? advice? shoot!

4 comments:

  1. I'm glad you are back! It is so hard to figure out what to do when you both are on opposite sides. The tutoring job sounds great at $30/hr. Is your husband willing or able to see why you want another baby and are you able to at least understand where he is coming from? There has to be a compromise in there somewhere...I'm praying that you can find it. Good Luck and welcome back!

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  2. Hi Amy! Well, kind of...he doesn´t want to spend the $$ and wants me to relax and enjoy our daughter. I, on the other side, can´t relax. I´m afraid it´s one of those "we agree to disagree" kind of thing...Which means, that I have to move forward on my own and find solutions!! He might get a promotion soon...maybe that changes things...
    How are you?! Baby? Show some belly pics! I bet you´re just adorable with a little belly now. How are you feeling?

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  3. Hey Loca glad you're back :-) I hope you can feel the love from blogland!

    I don't really have advice just sympathy. What's wrong with school for Gordi is all I have to say?

    Un fuerte abrazo mujer,
    Elizabeth

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  4. She´s already in school, for only 3 hrs a day, 3 times a week. Working those 9 hrs would mean a big mess, or a friend watching her. My DH doesn´t want anybody watching her...and to tell u the truth, I´m pretty stuck, cause the friend wants to trade kids- I´ll watch hers while she tutors and she´ll watch mine when I tutor. If I tell her no, and take her to extended care, my friend can´t work...too messy! too complicated.
    Thanks gals!

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