Wednesday, April 27, 2011

IVF # 2 is almost here...and I am afraid

Yes it is. I am definately as excited as I thought I would be, that´s for sure. I think I am afraid. Very afraid. Of the meds, shots, failiure, devastation, loss of oportunities...all of it. I guess it´s a normal reaction. Today I even questioned my capability to care for an infant. Maybe I am done?? Maybe I don´t have the patience for a baby and a 4 year old??...Most days I don´t have any doubts, but as the day to start IVF #2 approaches, I get more and more defensive.

I am starting acu.puncture next week, and the cycle starts the following week. In NY.
We have the logistics figured out and it looks great. Now I just have to get pregnant, right?

From where I stand today, I don´t think I can handle another cycle. Both phisically and emotionally. I am very exhausted and tired of changing all my plans and adjusting my life for another cycle, another trip, another try...I sure hope this one works.

DH´s numbers are lower than ever. No chance at another miracle again. I am throwing away my OPKs.


  1. It is so very normal to feel afraid. I was for my IVF #2. I remember writing in a post that I felt like I was standing at the bottom of a mountain of drugs and tests and didn't feel strong enough to even take that first step. But, I did take it and it led me to my beautiful son. I'll be thinking about you and hoping this is the one for you!

  2. OOooooo, good luck!!!! I hope this is the cycle for you! I know how daunting and overwhelming it all is, but I always found that I surprised myself with how strong I could be. You will find that strength, too. IVF #2 is hard because you've "been there, done that" and you know too much. I'll be thinking of you!